Scientists Discover Source of Woman’s Down Demeanor

(Los Angeles, CA) After rigorous study, scientists discover the source of one woman’s recent down demeanor.

“Zits,” report the scientists. “Huge ones.”

The woman, known for her bright and bubbly personality, has for the past week exhibited signs of withdrawal and subduedness. According to their published report, she exhibited behavior including looking down while walking, avoiding eye contact, and smiling except in her eyes.

Before conclusively concluding the source, prior considerations included lack of makeup, sleep deficiency, and father’s poor health.

The woman began wearing less makeup upon realizing that it was annoying.

“It was annoying,” claimed the woman, in background information cited in the study. “And when I got a bunch of zits in a row, I thought that no makeup might help.”

While scientists hypothesized that lack of makeup could give cause for the woman to feel embarrassed and therefore socially withdraw, they ultimately dismissed this as cause when they discovered that the woman did not seemed bothered by her bare face, and therefore it had little bearing on her interaction with others.

The woman has also been sleep deprived during the study period.

The first confirmed incidence was last Monday, when after being delayed by inclement weather during travel, she went straight from the airport to the hospital to visit her father.  The remainder of the week was also busy with visits. She averaged 6 hours, 4 minutes, 45 seconds of sleep during a busy work week, but typically needs minimum 7 hours to feel somewhat rested.

Other behaviors supporting insufficent sleep included minimal chatter, large and frequent yawning, and heavy eyelids. The study eventually ruled it out as cause when they found that the woman consumed larger amounts of caffeine to compensate for lack of sleep.

Her father’s poor health was also potential cause for the woman’s down demeanor. Her father had been feeling unwell for some time but upon recent test results, was admitted to the hospital for intensive treatment. This caused her father’s immune system to be lowered and other complications to occur.

“It was hard to see my father in a hospital bed,” noted the woman in the report. “He looked so little and vulnerable. I wish there was something I could do [to help].”

Despite mounting evidence pointing towards father’s poor health, scientists ultimately concluded that zits are the most likely cause for the woman’s down demeanor.

Acne can erode confidence and perpetuate a self-consciousness that leads to downward gazing and eye contact avoidance, according to the study findings. Her diminished smile can also be supported by the locational relationship of zits to mouth, and proximity drawing unwanted attention.

The study, funded by the Association of Clear Nice Epidermis Follicles and Rejecting External impErfections (ACNEFREE), has since been cited as scientific proof that clear skin makes this one woman more confident. While study scientists contend its groundbreaking findings has extraordinary implications for helping future generations’ emotional health in an age of increasing social isolation and despair, other scientists question its value to a larger population due to the study’s small sample size.

“[But] I totally get why taking care of yourself is so important,” the woman stated in the study epilogue. “There is a lot going on underneath the surface, and it will eventually make it present.”

“And… that it too shall pass.”

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Word Perfect

(Los Angeles) One woman rediscovers that perfectionism is an unwise goal in writing. The realization came after a nearly two-year hiatus from writing.

“I thought writing would just ‘happen,'” the woman shared. “Like, once I decided I was going to write again, everything would be perfectly phrased, witty, and brilliant.”

But the goal of perfection can have several drawbacks, according to official sources.

One, perfectionism can prevent someone from ever even trying. By only seeking perfection, one can easily turn down opportunities where perfection cannot be guaranteed.

This occurred when the woman encountered an opportunity to submit a short story for publication consideration.

“Up until that time, I had only been blogging,” said the woman. “I did not feel confident that anything I wrote could be publish-worthy.”

But the woman was inspired by a random idea and in several hours, completed a short story for submission. Several months later, her story was in print in an anthology and sold on Amazon.

If the woman remained in her comfort zone and never tried to write in a different voice or form, she would never have been able to share her odd story with the world. And, it gave her the confidence to continue writing.

Perfectionism can also cause someone to feel great disappointment in an outcome. When expectations run unreasonably high, one can only feel complete success or utter failure – nothing in between.

“My first paid writing job was an article for an online magazine,” recounted the woman. “It was a notable publication by my estimation and I loved my topic, so I was thrilled when it was accepted!”

But the woman’s excitement soon waned as online comments and criticism starting coming in. Official sources reported that the woman took the criticism in stride.

“No,” recalled the woman, “it was horrible. [The comments] were not even that bad, but I learned I do not have a thick skin.”

“I took those comments to mean I did a poor job,” the woman continued, “as if it is possible to receive no negative comments. But I realize now that was the wrong way to think about it.”

“Those critics just did not have good taste.”

By judging experiences through perfectionism, it can prevent someone from realizing the truth: it is all about the journey.

When asked why the woman enjoyed writing, she laughed.

“Do I enjoy it?,” wondered the woman aloud.

But upon further reflection, she compared it to her once-strong love for running.

“There is a musicality – a rhythm to running and writing that I try to recreate. Finding the word that feels right, leading up to a funny ending… It can be tough to imagine that it will happen. And sometimes it does not.”

“But when I find it, it makes me happy.”

Happiness is not a destination but a journey, reported sources and dorm room posters everywhere. And for one woman, happiness means writing without the burden of perfection.

“So I end a story with a less funny ending. Or I get some criticism,” said the woman. “Writing means I get to say what I want.”

“And then re-edit it. And then one last time.”

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Woman Pleased that Heartbreak Has Plus Sides

(Los Angeles) One woman is pleased to discover that with recent heartbreak, certain benefits have emerged.

One, the woman now has greater time to enjoy her favorite hobbies, authorities note. In recent weeks, she has been able to consume large amounts of junk food until she feels drowsy, nap all day from the food or new carpe diem attitude, and resume wearing black as a concerted effort to hide her increasing body size.

“Black is perfect because it also represents my grief at the loss of any future happiness,” she said. “Haha, just kidding.”

The woman has also been helping the environment. According to official reports, she has saved on gas by not leaving the house, and water by not showering, sometimes whole weekends at a time. She has however, likely increased electricity demand through binge-watching episodes of “The Office” and “Jeopardy!”

“But home is where the heart is,” she said, “right?”

“I have been staying close to my heart.”

These events have all increased the woman’s recognition and capacity for gratitude, authorities report. Her health remains strong by dodging a bullet, and her appreciation for mystery has grown over why it does not feel like it was him and not her. Finally, her awareness of God’s everpresent love for her has sharpened.

“Kittens on Pinterest,” the woman explained. “This is how I know that I am loved.”

“It could also be a sign that I need to get a cat or two.”

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Editor’s Note: Woman to Fit Forty Years of Living into Months

Many of our loyal readers expressed interest in learning more about this woman’s “40 Before 40” list. Since the publishing of this article, the woman has embraced that “20 is the new 40” and has decided to create a “20 Before 40” list.

For in-depth reporting, we will be following this woman on her countdown to 40 in a new series entitled, “20 Before 40.”

We hope you join us!

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Woman to Fit 40 Years of Living Into Months

(Los Angeles) Within months of her 40th birthday, one woman sets out to accomplish everything she wanted to do her whole life, according to an official statement.

When asked what these things were, the woman responded that she was unsure and still trying to determine them.

“I know I want a list,” the woman said. “A list of 40 things before I turn 40.”

The woman later shared that she did, in fact, have several things already identified. These included living abroad, visiting the top 10 national parks and monuments in California, and reading one book a month.

“The challenge I found with some of these,” the woman confided, “is that there are actually more items than the one. Like the top 10 national parks and monuments… That’s 10 in 1!”

“Can I get partial credit?”

When asked why do all this, the woman paused, for like a long time. But according to the statement, a dear friend’s passing has influenced many of her actions.

“I think that is true,” confirmed the woman, when asked about her friend’s influence. “She had dreams for a life longer than she could live. I owe it to her to live my life to the fullest.”

“I just have to figure out what that means to me.”

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