He’s Just Not That Into You


(Los Angeles) One woman’s attempts to woo an acquaintance have utterly failed, according to official sources. 

She first met this person several months ago through a shared interest, and had exchanged a number of awkward but un-noteworthy hugs since that first meeting. It had only been in recent weeks, however, that her interest turned romantic.

“I was intrigued by him at the beginning,” said the woman in an official statement. “He was traveling to Italy, my favorite country in the world. But then I started dating someone,” continued the woman, “and I did not really think about him in that way.”

When asked what had changed, she cited being single, and the classic textbook indicator, jealousy. 

“He mentioned going on a date,” noted the woman in an official statement, “and I felt this flare of jealousy.” 

“He was supposed to only like me!”

Since then, the woman initiated several attempts to subtly convey her interest. These included asking him if he wanted to hang out to sketch (to a quick ‘no’ and head-shaking response), telling him she was hungry (to entice a dinner invitation that never came), and asking him how to know when you are in someone’s “friend zone” (‘It is personality,’ he says). 

“I do not know how I could have been more clear,” the woman went on to report. “I literally told him that if he wanted to do something together, let me know, but that if he did not want to I would not be offended.”

This last statement garnered a glance in her direction, according to her peripheral vision, but nothing further.

While reliable sources describe the love interest as “awkward” and “kinda creepy,” the woman had been undeterred in her pursuit. This is no longer the case, according to official sources.

“If he is not interested in me, there is no point in forcing him otherwise,” the woman noted. “Or this might be my rebound crush, in which case it is good that nothing is happening now. Either way, the people on the Gold Line knew what was happening, even if he did not…”

“Besides, if we stay just friends – it is the perfect formula for romance!” 

(image source)

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