Woman Pleased that Heartbreak Has Plus Sides

(Los Angeles) One woman is pleased to discover that with recent heartbreak, certain benefits have emerged.

One, the woman now has greater time to enjoy her favorite hobbies, authorities note. In recent weeks, she has been able to consume large amounts of junk food until she feels drowsy, nap all day from the food or new carpe diem attitude, and resume wearing black as a concerted effort to hide her increasing body size.

“Black is perfect because it also represents my grief at the loss of any future happiness,” she said. “Haha, just kidding.”

The woman has also been helping the environment. According to official reports, she has saved on gas by not leaving the house, and water by not showering, sometimes whole weekends at a time. She has however, likely increased electricity demand through binge-watching episodes of “The Office” and “Jeopardy!”

“But home is where the heart is,” she said, “right?”

“I have been staying close to my heart.”

These events have all increased the woman’s recognition and capacity for gratitude, authorities report. Her health remains strong by dodging a bullet, and her appreciation for mystery has grown over why it does not feel like it was him and not her. Finally, her awareness of God’s everpresent love for her has sharpened.

“Kittens on Pinterest,” the woman explained. “This is how I know that I am loved.”

“It could also be a sign that I need to get a cat or two.”

(image source)

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