To Fix Thy Hair is To Know Thyself

woman with mirror

After a two-year long experiment, one woman reverts back to her natural hair part, and finds deeper meaning from the experience.

While it is scientifically proven that the direction of a hair part can have profound impact on social acceptance and success, the woman was often met with skepticism and disbelief at the value, and potential impact, of the experiment.

“I think a lot of people rolled their eyes,” the woman shared. “I actually don’t really remember.”

When reminded that the woman was met with skepticism and disbelief, she further recalled indeed feeling self-conscious at having to explain how a hair part can have such effects.

But the results from the experiment proved statistically significant.

Based on a chi-squared score of a billion, data showed that with her unnatural, or self-improved hair part, she more easily found better parking spots, was upgraded at hotels and offered prime dining seating locations, and garnered a higher percentage of appropriate smiles returned than the ‘bend and snap‘ from Legally Blonde.

But the benefits came at some cost to the woman.

“I had to make sure I fixed my part while my hair was wet,” the woman recounted, “and use spray hair gel.”

“Oh, and a bobby pin to keep my bangs in place.”

So with a recent hair cut, the woman unceremoniously ended her hair part experiment. Scholars and careful observers alike have drawn similarities to the demise of her pescatarian diet, which ended with an impromptu ham Thanksgiving dinner, also after a two-year stint.

With shorter hair and a natural part, the woman has attributed a deeper acceptance of who she is — the good and the bad. For now she no longer experiences the perks of a more symmetrically-appearing face,  but feels the freedom of walking out the door without worry of flyaway baby hairs. She understands that while she can seek self-improvement, it is difficult to completely change 180 degrees without a bobby pin to hold her manufactured self together. And, she has learned that when she indeed accepts herself, she will naturally appear more shiny, smooth, and full of body and life.

When asked of her next experiment, the woman confessed that she now hopes to identify effective ways to remember to brush her hair every day. An academic literature review has revealed no pending studies currently underway in this field.


2 thoughts on “To Fix Thy Hair is To Know Thyself

  1. Yoonie says:

    Hahaha I think I was there for the ham incident??? Maybe. And that reminds me of when we went to see radiolab live and they were talking about symmetry. Good times!!

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