DEAR CHARLOTTE: I have been a loyal reader for some time and I am normally so excited to read your amusing words of wisdom. However, I was disappointed when I read your “Tales of An Eighth Grade Nothing.” You were posed a question from a reader who is obviously enamored with someone and seeking advice, but rather than be supportive or helpful, your harsh advice basically suggested that she was potentially so hideous that it was not worth continuing her crush.
Your reader, 30-Something Going on 13, sounded sweet albeit childish, but when it comes to matters of the heart – aren’t we all 13 inside? And therein lies the fun, and heartache, of having a crush. Every look brings joy and/or despair, and every spoken word a code for unknown feelings. And yet, the fact that your reader reached out to you tells me that she knew that her feelings were beyond her control, and her imagination potentially running away from her…
I know it’s not easy to like someone and not know if they like me back. But what I would hope and sincerely ask of you, is for some different advice on what to do with those feelings. Telling me that I could be delusional is not helpful. I think you owe me, and your reader some kindness. After all, aren’t we all looking for somebody to love, and to be loved in return? –QUEEN OF HEARTS
DEAR QUEEN OF HEARTS: Thank you for your courage in writing to me from the heart. I am ashamed to say that I took a reader’s struggle and not only made light of it, but turned on her personally in an attempt to thwart her runaway feelings for a few laughs. For that, and any pain I may have caused to any of my readers, I am truly sorry.
As you very wisely pointed out, Queen of Hearts, knowing that you care for someone and not knowing if they feel the same can be a very painful situation. How can we tell if the other person sees us for who we are? Likes us just as we are?… Beyond all that, I sense a deeper question: Am I a lovable person, worthy of love?
As an improved service to you and others in the same predicament, here are three suggestions to help cope:
1. You’re the one that I want.
Having feelings for another does not make you a bad person. Liking someone, really liking someone, is natural and makes us feel alive. Whether he’s a greaser or an unemployed musician, our hearts want what they want. And that’s okay.
2. You can’t hurry love.
But just as The Supremes sang, love doesn’t come easy. You have to trust and give it time. So in the meantime, keep busy. Spend your time enjoying hobbies or better yet, in trying new things. Channel your mental and emotional energy and excitement into something productive, and you’ll spend more time living a life than imagining one in your mind.
3. With or without you.
And if you do not end up in a relationship with this person, it doesn’t mean you too are incapable of being loved or loving another. In fact, he should be flattered for the faith you’ve entrusted in wanting to give him your heart. But just as the destination doesn’t define the journey, your relationship status doesn’t define who you are as a person.
Yes, you are lovable.
Yes, you are worthy.
Yes, you are somebody to love.
I am wholeheartedly rooting for you and the love you deserve.
Dear Charlotte is written by Woman at Tastes Like Onion. Write “Dear Charlotte” at firstname.lastname@example.org.