(La Mirada, CA) Lying on the couch, exhausted, one woman was sucked into watching Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde.
An unfortunate sequel of unparalleled proportions, the movie follows perky lawyer Elle Woods in Washington, DC as she fights for her chihuahua’s mother who is allegedly in an animal testing facility. But despite the strong story anchor, the movie falls just short of cohesively blending the dignity of the nation’s Capitol with S&M dog attire, and congressional interns dancing doggy-style in the Capitol Building.
Where the movie does generate some laughs, is in its reviews. Particularly noteworthy was an in-depth analysis by the website ChristianAnswers.Net. Awarding the movie’s highest rating of three out of five stars* (*based on morality), the site provides a 700-word review that includes such helpful warnings as “the expression ‘Oh my G-d’ is used many times.” The review also helpfully details “Elle’s male dog… portrayed as ‘gay’ and having a sexually aroused relationship with the ‘gay’ male dog of a congressman.” It is unclear why “gay” is in quotation marks.
User comments have also yielded comedic gold. One particular gentleman provided cogent arguments for being disappointed with the film not based on the principles of sound filmmaking… but because of special interests. And another comment called the filmmakers irresponsible to “allow this [Legally Blonde] series to be hijacked by a member of the radical homosexual left [director Charles Herman-Wurmfeld, of Kissing Jessica Stein fame].”
Commercials airing between scenes also failed to recognize its own missteps. Advertisement for mylife.com featured a pretty young woman remarking over seven stalkers people searching for her. Where the advertisement went wrong was highlighting seven, which pales against more than 700 million profiles of potential ardent furtive digital admirers who will have all your personal information after entering it as a member.
Mark Collette from the Tyler Morning Telegraph perfectly summarizes Legally Blonde 2 with this review: “The expression of horror and amazement upon Bob Newhart’s face captures, in one split second, the essence of the entire film.”
[Insert joke here. Any joke. Not to worry – it will not warrant being called a “cinematic abomination.”]