(Los Angeles, CA) In the month of her birth, one woman found that May brought several health issues to a head… Hers.
The month started off with a visit to the allergist, an admission to the possibility that her chronic and debilitating health issues could be attributed to a pedestrian cause. After an hour-long consultation, including trivia that only one rare form of hives is cold-induced, and individuals with allergies tend to be healthier, the doctor concluded that the woman did indeed have allergies.
Yes, allergies. The woman was now a member of the exclusive allergy club with those who suffer a reaction from things in the air. So all those times when the woman became congested around a cat… And all those times the woman felt itchy sitting bare-legged on grass… Allergies.
The next step was determine what the woman was allergic to, and the following visit proved illuminating. Allergy testing for things in the air consists of two parts: a scratch test, and an injection test.
After scratching a number of things on the woman’s back, including various samples of grasses, trees, weeds, and molds as well as certain animals, the test came back so positive that the injection test was narrowed from a field of 70 to 17. Injections of 17 varieties along with three controls, revealed that the woman tested positive to all airborne allergens but two varieties. This included 19 species of trees, 10 species of grasses, 15 species of weeds, 18 varieties of molds, both types of dustmites, and cat and dog.
The woman was officially… a nerd… or a geek… or whatever.
While the course of treatment has yet to be determined as of time of publishing, the woman is less than eager at the prospects of choosing between regular rounds of shots over the course of 2.5 years, or pills taken over the course of a lifetime*. (*Ed. Note: The woman is not a doctor, and descriptions of allergy treatments may have been exaggerated for entertainment and pity-illicitation purposes.)
Concurrently, the woman had been suffering mild jaw and tooth pain, which she had attributed to her sinus symptoms. However, increasingly frequent twinges of pain and discomfort caused the woman some pause and reflection. The cinnamon-sugar coated almond may have cracked a tooth. And the woman may not have regularly flossed… for several years.
The Memorial Day long weekend began as any other weekend. However, increasingly severe headaches and throbbing of the jaw did little to slow the woman’s incessant snacking on chips and other ‘hard’ snacks. Dosages of Advil also became increasingly frequent, as well as increasingly less effective, over the course of the weekend. But the weekend culmination, a family birthday celebration, resulted in the most painful lemongrass crusted shrimp in the history of civilization.
One bite and the world stopped still.
Silence and stillness, followed by the whooshing of the worst pain imaginable. Because the woman was out in public, she was restrained to a deep nod of her head as she struggled to return to 2011. Her family noticed the pause in her chittering, and realized she was in extreme pain… and helpfully proceeded to give counsel on all of their previous reminders about flossing and general dental care. As the long weekend meant more days without a dentist working, the woman endured the remaining part of the weekend with generous amounts of Orajel and Advil.
An emergency dental appointment resulted in an immediate root canal, to the woman’s mixed horror and relief. The dentist placed a white washcloth over her face, with a hole for the mouth cut out, which surprisingly brought much comfort to the woman. No accidental shadows or peeks at horrifying dental equipment. And those buzzing sounds? For something else… The woman felt like she was in a spa… albeit a painful one.
The dental appointment however, also boosted the woman’s self-esteem. In line with her recent struggles with people-pleasing syndrome, the woman was happy when the dentist and staff, without provocation, complimented the woman on her smile and good nature as well as showed their surprise at her age (“I thought you were in your 20s!”).
Follow-up dental appointments were necessary, and the second one was less painful than the first. The woman was left with a numb mouth and lips for more than half-an-hour, but overall the woman now feels that she has overcome her fear and avoidance of dentists.
“It really is better just to go,” confided the woman. “I waited so long, which is why it got so bad. But that towel totally made the difference!. And,” shyly smiled the woman, “now I have a reputation of being a happy, cooperative patient.”