Laptop Too Hot for Itself

(Los Angeles, CA)  The decline of America’s health has been epitomized by a specific laptop.  Slow and overweight, it most notably suffers from heatstroke.

The laptop, a Toshiba Satellite laptop, running on 2002 Windows XP Home Edition, has been the woman’s primary computing device for more than nine years.  With a 17″ screen, beautiful blue cover and contrast black keys with silver border, it was seen as “quite the catch” in its heyday.  However, as the standard for laptops grew slimmer and lighter, the woman’s laptop was soon considered too heavy even to leave the home.

Multi-tasking has also become difficult over the years.  Unclear if due to age or weight, the laptop increasingly struggles with turning on, and opening and running multiple programs at once.  Opening a web browser window, with a mere four homepage tabs, proves strenuous.

“The laptop takes, like, 10 minutes just to boot up,” shared the woman, “and opening the web browser 10 minutes more.  It got to the point where (when) I turn on the computer, I (then) turn on the TV to watch something while I wait.”

One click meant seconds if not minutes for a program to respond.  And should the woman grow slightly impatient, or forgetful, long waits are the result as multiple Internet Explorer windows take their time loading.

However, its most severe condition is heatstroke.  Mid-download, the laptop would suddenly and unexpectedly shut off entirely.  At first the woman was extremely alarmed but over time, she learned to adapt and avoid any activities that would trigger an episode.  The woman no longer downloads software or watches videos, and burning CDs are unthinkable.

The only treatment for the laptop’s heat-induced comas, and to avoid future episodes, is for its underside and rear to remain cool.  As a way to accommodate this, the woman has learned to balance the laptop to allow maximum air flow for the fans under and at the rear of the laptop.  This however, means a most unladylike position as the woman rests the computer on her lap, knees spread wide.  This also results in the woman overheating herself as hot air continuously blows onto the woman’s lap.

But these measures do not always work, and even in the filing of this report, the laptop suffered two episodes.  But while urged on by some, the woman has been hesitant to search for a new laptop.

“I know (buying new stuff) is popular and sometimes necessary,” replied the woman, “but old things can have value too.  Despite being heavy, slow, and always warm, my laptop still has some good life yet… especially in those lonely winter months.”

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